will and hanni 5eva
by allthosefriendlyfaces
Summary: Will pays Hannibal a sexy visit.


It was a warm sunny day in Wolf Trap, Virginia. Wait no, it wasn't, nothing is ever nice in Wolf Trap. It was raining heavily and the clouds rolled in like really angry clouds. Will was feeding his dogs non-human meat whilst they frolicked about his hairy legs.

"My my, Winston, what a clever dog you are," Will said solemnly. "I'm so glad I rescued you from your previous owners who are probably missing you and looking for you."

Winston wagged his tail. He couldn't reply because he was a dog.

"If only you were a real person, Winston. You really understand me."

There was a pause as the thunder thundered somewhere. The dogs were scared and ran around. Will got really annoyed because they were being little shits. "I'm outta here," he said angrily as he opened the door and walked into the pouring rain dramatically. Enrique Iglesias' 'I Can Be Your Hero' started quietly in the background.

The stag knew all along that Will would come outside. It had been waiting patiently outside his house all day and night. "Swiggity swag," it whispered as Will walked past.

"Fuck you, stag, I'm getting real tired of your shit!" Will shouted through the rain but it was so heavy he had to swim through it. Will was a very good swimmer though so everything was okay.

Will decided he would go and see Hannibal his favouritest friend in the whole wide world. Except for maybe Alana. Alana was hot as shit. _Do she got a booty? _Will thought to himself. _She dooooo._

Almost as if Hannibal could sense what he was thinking, he appeared at the door, beckoning Will inside with a perfectly manicured hand. _That's so gay_, Will thought. Hannibal smiled knowingly, flapping his hands and ushering Will into his office. "It's nice to see you, Will," he said.

"How did you know I would be here?" Will asked.

"I could smell you," Hannibal replied.

"Okay. Wait, what?"

Hannibal spun around and procured a tea set from the depths of his well tailored suit. "Would you like some tea, Will?" he asked, pouring some tea into a delicate cup. He gave it to Will, who sat and stared into the bottom of it sadly. His pretty blue girl eyes started to tear up.

"What is the matter?" Hannibal asked, concerned. He hated seeing his Willy upset. It was his job to fuck him up, not anybody else's.

"The steam is hurting my eyes," Will said. "Wait, where are my glasses?"

"They are wherever you left them," Hannibal said mysteriously. "Drink your tea, you ignorant little shit, I made it for you."

Will drank his tea as Hannibal continued. "I harvested the tea leaves myself. The tree was fed a diet of liquid gold and was planted in soil that had been blessed by a Greek priestess. The leaves were then left to wither in the air that I had collected from the lost city of Atlantis. Before it sank, that is."

"It tastes like PG Tips."

Hannibal wouldn't allow WillyWee to see his tears. He kept them inside, because he was strong. "Will, that was very rude. I think you should apologize," he said sternly.

"I won't apologize for having an opinion, Doctor Lecter," Will said petulantly.

"You fucking turd."

Will hung his head in shame. "I am a turd, aren't I?" he whispered.

"No, my dear Will, I'm sorry. You're not a turd. I didn't mean a word of it, I swear!" Hannibal cried. He hugged Will who sobbed into Hannibal's elegant waistcoat. "I love you Will but get the fuck off my waistcoat." He pushed his little bearded face away.

"_Yolo_," Will whispered brokenly.

Hannibal felt the words connect with his soul on a special level. Nobody understood Hannibal like WillyBoo did. The air became charged with something sexual, resonating inside both Hannibal and Will's butts.

"Do you feel it too?" Will asked.

"I do," Hannibal said.

"Do you feel it coming in the air tonight?" Will continued.

At that moment, Jack burst through the door like a charging horse, before doing a front flip and landing next to Will and Hannibal. "Will, I have a very important job for you," he said.

"I'm afraid Will is busy at this moment in time," Hannibal interrupted.

"Nobody asked you, Doctor Lecter," Jack sassed, snapping his fingers in a Z formation. "Listen, Will, here's the dealio. There's this guy killing people and eating them. We found his safehouse, it was stuffed full of bodies like a turkey stuffed at Thanksgiving. We need to find out who it is pronto. Do you feel me?"

Will nodded, throwing his teacup at the wall. "Okay. I think I can do this."

"Will, you're not in a stable enough mindframe to be doing this, you dumb fuck," Hannibal tried. He'd been busted.

"I do what I want! You're not my real dad!" Will screamed running out of the door.


End file.
